Never Chase Love....

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept. Things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we think we can't live without but have to let go.

Never chase love, affection or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person it isn't worth having.

"You cannot force anyone to love you. So just be you. Those who leave you because they are selective about what they want you to be like, never loved you. Never change for anyone because it never lasts. Be True. Be real. Be you"

Having said that, do not blame yourself for a relationship that didn't work out. No matter whose fault it might have been. Truth is "It is what it is, and it doesn't matter. After the fact it wont make any difference anyway.  Perhaps you could take 1 day and glance at what went wrong but not to dwell on it but to learn from it. To avoid the same mistakes in future relationships.  It's okay to feel sad over a break up.  Depending on the lengh of time you were in this relatinship you will probably feel as if you lost part of your identity as well. You may not know what to do next, and no matter who you hang out with or where you are , it may feel an emptiness, a sence of loneliness to the point that you think you might have well stayed at home. These feelings are perfectly normal! It's okay to feel this way.

Getting over a break up is not an event that happens over night, over a trip, or even over a weekend. It takes time.  Getting over a break up is a process with a number of stages. Some get stuck at certain stage, and others tend to go through them quickier while some just don't want to even begin the process, they are in denial.  They have not accpeted it even though they know that it's over, somewhere on the back of their head there lies a hope, this is the first and most difficult stage "ACCEPTANCE". It's also the longest stage however once acceptance hits then the other stages will follow smoothly and from that moment on, it's just a matter of time to complete the process and be over it.  Acceptance could take a month to even a year,( depending on the circumstances ). You have to accept to be able to open up your heart again, to not compare anyone with your ex, to not be afraid of someone hurting you again or to enjoy your family, friends and life! To begin the journey of becoming pain free.  otherwise you'll just be dragging it out. You must be willing to begin the  process as soon as possible, by taking the first and hardest step "acceptance".

Accept what you ask?...ACCEPT THAT YOU DON'T NEED HIM!

Accept that "IT'S OVER". That you were not the one for him, not because there's something wrong with you but because you simply aren't the right one for him. But you are definetly the right one for someone else. You Don't Need Him !  Accept that he doesn't love you. A man that loves will go above and beyond and do "anything" to be with the girl they love, "trust me"! and if he isn't moving any mountains to work things out with you then the truth is he doesnt love you. (at least in my book)  You Don't Need Him!  If he loves you but can't be with you for any other reason then accept what ever reason that may be, don't hang on to the "he loves me" part of it because then you can't move on. Accept that he wont hug you they way he used to, accept you wont rest your head on his chest again, accept that he won't look at you the same way, accept that he wont ask you how you are doing, or text you good night or good morning or that you wont see those "I miss you" " I love you" or just a simply "babe, or baby" texts, accept his friends are HIS friends and they were just a borrow for you, accept that all those plans you had together are not gonna happen anymore, accept that he WAS that guy who once was madly inlove with you but those days are behind and gone, accept that all those memories created are in the past, accept that he has or will move on, accept that maybe you will have noone to go to the movies with, to tell your problems to, to advice you, that you wont feel loved by him, accept that what ever you guys had is OVER. and ALL that is okay , YOU DON'T NEED HIM! Cry all you want, let it out but then wipe those tears and accept, accept and ACCEPT. with acceptance comes this peace within, with acceptance all future with him dies, acceptance kills the urge in calling him, acceptance kills the urge to want to se him, acceptance kills the urge to need him, acceptance kills all the hope you might have had of being with him again. THAT hope can't survive, it's what would keep you from moving on.  Acceptance will shift your focus from him, to you. Acceptance is the begining of the process in getting over him, with acceptance comes self-worth and the realization that you didn't need him after all. Stay still, don't beg nor chase.........let him walk away.

Self-worth will lead you to the vehicle that will drive you to the best relationship ever.

Once you have accepted, you will then realize how valuable you really are if not seek your self worth, begin loving yourself.   You may think you are ready for a relatinship but the only way you would know is by having one, the faster, the better but the person you need to have this relationship with is YOU!!! .  To ride on that vehicle that will drive you to the best relationship ever, you must first have the "BEST" relationship ever..."WITH YOURSELF"

The type of relationship you have with yourself will reflect on the one you have with your partner, so have a loving, respectful, honest, fun beautiful relationship with yourself and the same will follow.

Treat yourself the way you wanna be treated. If you are crying, ask yourself "Do I want a boyfriend that makes me cry?" you sure don't.  So then be gentle with yourself, wipe those tears, smile and talk to yourself.  Tell yourself things you would want to hear from your future amazing boyfriend knowing that it's you saying it.  Example ; "I'm sorry that I let you cry, you don't deserve crying and it was not my intentions, I love you more than anything in this world and there isn't anything that I wouldn't do to make you smile, so please forget tears were shed and smile instead. Smile because you are you, because you can be yourself with me, because I love you JUST the way you are and there isn't anything I would change about you, smile because you are beautiful inside and out..........." and continue saying all the positive nice things you know about yourself. You might find it silly and it's okay if you do because that will too make you smile.  Treat yourself well, give yourself boundaries and LOVE YOURSELF. "everything is going to be okay and there's no doubt about that" and truth is, that everything WILL be okay. It always is.

Be gentle, sweet, loving, caring, and understanding with yourself.  Look at the bright side of the break up (there's always one) . Perhaps you have more time to do the things you are passionate about, what you enjoy, a hobbie , as well as more time for yourself, your family and friends.  One of the most important things that come with a break up in my opinion is that it bolsters friendships.   This is the time you will notice who your true friends are.  For instance my break up was a blessing because I was able to reach out to my sister and my mom a way that I had never been able to before, and that's something I will always be thankful about not to mention that it inspired me to help others that are going through the same thing, as well as inspired me to begin a project I'm currently working on.  Look within how you would like to turn this painful experience into a positive one.  Also look for those relationsip that it has strenghten, it will make you value friendships more, look around and see whose there for you, who listens, who advices, who calls you to check up on you, whose cooking for you, whose there everyday to put a smile on your face. It will also make you value yourself a lot more. You'll admire yourself by keeping yourself together while overcoming all that heartache, you'll value your strenght and realize that you deserve better. Don't go about your break up the wrong way, do not blame him or hate him or hold any resentment towards him. Truth is, it's not his fault he coulnd't love you, nor yours it wasn't meant to be.

Love is not about possession, Love is about appreciation.

Don't try to change anyone, nor feel they belong to you. Let them be themselves and you see if who they are is what you want or not.  Do not jump into a relationship nor look for one. The right person will come, and you will atract it. You will atract it by your charisma, your smile, your glow and your energy.  This person will perceive how happy and comfortable you are in your own skin, and being independent!  He will notice that you aren't eager to get into a relationship, you'll be so happy alone that it really wont make a difference wether you get him or not, and before you know it, when you aren'tlooking or expecting someone will come along.  Then you will be ready, not before. So the quicker you get over the break up the quicker you'll release that positive energy to atract them.

Do not use a guy to get over your ex, that will only make you miss your ex more. While you are going through the process of getting over your break up what you don't want is to think of your ex or anything that reminds you of him or trigger anything him related, at least during the "acceptance" stage.  If you so the first thing you might do is compare him from the way he talks, to the way he walks etc. Just stay away from any guys and get over your ex first.  That's the fastest and most healthiest way there is. (in my humble opinion)

So when one those days come that you feel down, unloved and miss him the most.  Remember that you deserve better, you deserve someone that loves you back and values you. Remember your worth , love yourself, value the person that you are and hold your head up high because God has someone special and worth you instore for you, be patient and be you.

I hope I made me you smiled.

Zoila Luz

Bullying....

Bullying at work??? 

We hear it happening at school but guess what! it also happens at work. 

This blog is for those whom have felt victims emotionally, or mentally of bullying at work by their peers and do not know what to do about it.

First, let's define Bullying. Based on a Business Journal Robin Bond wrote ;

"Bullying" can be simply defined as repeated behavior from superiors, subordinates or jealous peers that is intended to demean, humilate or intimidate an individual

I also found it interesting that studies show that even though bullies can be male 77% of bullying victims are women and that women target other women 80% of the time!

I am writing this blog from my perspective; which it's the girl whose been talked about. This is only based on my personal experience and opinion. Hopefully you could gain something from it and keep your inner peace in not letting it affect your state of mind or the way you perform at work.

It is imperative to not feed into this type of behavior and have it very clear in your mind that "Others do NOT Determine Your Self Worth."  

Even though I have experienced this back in Elementary School a decade ago, one can never get used to being demean by others. I was a victim of Bullying back in school and though it never got to the degree of getting beat up, I did have threats and there was a time the agressor followed me in between classes insulting me and decribing all kinds of horrible ways she will beat me up. I never turned to confront her, I would just keep walking as if I didn't hear anything mainly to NOT get beat up. Call me a wuss but sometimes the stronger ones are actually the ones that walk away instead of engaging yourself in a situation you can later regret.

I could put time and effort into talking to every single person she's spoken to and proving them wrong. 

I could do nothing and just let it take away my confidence, feel down and sorry for myself or even become what they are saying I am ; 

or I could take control over the only thing I have control over "ME" and turn it into something positive. 

FIRST: Compete, Compete, Compete and never stop competing. But the ONLY person you need to compete with is YOURSELF. Let other's waste their time competing with you and their energy talking about you. You need to keep pushing yourself if you aren't already doing so. Compete with yourself to be better than you are, true happiness comes when you see progress, and the only way you could see progress is by seeing change. You determine change by raising your standards and staying focus. Set your self goals, find your gift,  contribute, know who you are and be that person no matter what.

SECOND: Do the things you love to do, travel, write, read, jog, get a massage,  pedicure, go to dinner with your friends, go to the movies, meet people that challenge and stimulate your mind, learn to enjoy your alone time , take care of yourself, know that it is okay to feel any emotion you want to feel, wether happy, sad, upset there is no such thing as the wrong emotion and value yourself as a person. Love God, Love your family and friends but most important LOVE YOUR SELF, Have self respect, and boundaries so you can have inner peace.

                                      

THIRD: Don't give a shit what others say! Imperfection is Individuality, you may be different than others and other may think of it as weird or look at it as a threat because you stand out wether it's because of your beauty or how easy going you are. It doesn't matter, there will be jealous people out trying to fit in with others and go about it the wrong way. Some people think that they are bonding or creating a new buddy or are involved when they demean someone else. Perhaps they have a false sense of looking better if they bring you down. Perhaps they need to be accepted by their peers but on the other hand you know that you don't need to talk about anyone else to bring yourself up so let it be, focus on yourself and if others choose to also focus on you then you must be pretty fabulous!

I shared this because it would be so easy to loose yourself into  rumors, bullying or you can even call it harassment to some extent. These are people that can do some serious mental or emotional damage to you and you need to understand that they could, only if you let it. Be smarter and stronger buy shifting the attention and keeping it on you. Other's don't determine yourself worth.

I hope I made you smile ;)

Zoila Luz.

The Power of Your Mind.

   STOP THINKING NEGATIVE!!!

Hello Everyone! I want you to be Happy....I REALLY DO! you deserve to be happy. There isn't anything in the past that you could have done that God would want you to pay for because he is merciful . Stop thinking negavite thoughts because you will only bring more of it which eventually will produce negative things coming into your life. Leave the past behind and start enjoyin the preset now, be happy!

You thoughts Are Very Powerful.

You thoughts takes you places, it makes you accomplish goals, helps you fall inlove, it will drive you to achieve what you want and most important it has the power to make you HAPPY.

At the end of the day, that's what we all want. People often think they need something to become happy wether it's the car of the year, good health, the house of your dreams or That guy whom you've loved all your life.  However, there are so many people that already own the house of their dreams, have the car of the year, and married the love of their life as well as others with such good health but still are not happy. If you are supposed to have those things to be happy but so many already have these things then what is wrong? Why aren't those things making them happy?

What you need to realize and not only accept but "embrace"is that your thoughts are what brings you happiness, not the material things or the people in your life.

When you think good thoughs, you will set out a positive energy and will atract the people you want as well as all the material things you desire. So It actually works the opposite; first think happy thoughts then the things will come. (not get the thing, so then you can be happy)

If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and think they are suppose to make you happy with the things that you expect them to do or say ,you are very much setting yourself up for failure, not to mention putting a great deal of pressure on them.

So, next time you feel frustrated or upset at something and that took away your peace or made negative your state of mind. Stop for a second, catch yourself. Depending on the circumstance think of something good that you got out of it, I know that there's always something good to a negative for as small as it might be. This way you'd be trainning your mind to quickly recover back into the Happy state of mind, letting you keep enjoying your day while producing positive energy and still atracting the things and people you desire.

Try it, your mind is greater than you think, and all it takes are your choice of thoughts. Choose to be Happy!

Hope I made you smile ;)

Zoila Luz.

A Short Introduction, who am i?

I am a Mother, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a sister in law, a niece, an aunt, a God mother, a best friend,  an ex-wife and a child of God.

I love to read, write, trave, the sound of acoustic guitar, sign language and making people smile.

Some of the best books I've read are The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, What to Say To Yourself When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter and Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen. I am still in the process of reading other of his books, can't wait! I have a deep thirst for reading, and gain such pleasure from it. It's like feeding my mind.

Some of the best things I've written has been while in the shower, thoughts come to my head and I have to ran for a pen and paper, I write anything and everything; from a poem to random thoughts. Writing is a way I release my feelings, writing frees me from worries, pain and stress. I wrote my very first picture book on my own when I was 12 lol, I wrote about a true life story that my sister's best friend was going thru at that time. One of my goals is to publish a book.

Besides reading and writing, I also love to travel! My other goal is to travel the world, starting off with setting a foot on each continent . I have set foot on 3 continents so far, 4 more to go! I will share Travel experiences along w pics and hopefully videos on this blog for you to get ideas on where to travel next.

I want to blog about endless possibilities, from traveling to appreciating the simplest things in life.  People are my inspiration and I would like to motivate readers with my posts , I want to encourage everyone to dare do what they have always wanted to do, and to be happy regardless of how difficult things get, to never give up and staying positive.

I want to make people smile.

Marriage is work!!!

10-7-2010:

Okay, so people think I have a perfect marriage! I wonder if my first post influenced on that thought?lol

My marriage is far from being perfect, by the way there are NO perfect marriages.....only good ones. Do I love my husband?...Heck yeah! I adore him, but I could get a little frustrated by him sometimes!!!!

How ever the reason why we have a good marriage and have been able to be together for 5.5 years is because we put as much work into our relationship as we do to our carreer choice or ourselves.

Marriage is work!!!

10-28-2013:

I came across this blog, which was under draft and never finished writing it. Not long after I started writing that my then husband and I separated and we are now divorce.

I have learned and grown up so much since then. Not being with him also made me appreciate him more and made me realized that I worked too hard for it to make it work. Though Marriage is work, there is such a certain amount of work that should be going into it and that is the amount of work that you desire to put into it. 

There comes to a point that you stop and think how you got where you are now and try to figure out what when wrong to only realize that the things that are bothering you today have always been there only that you accepted this person with those flaws.

See,  I now believe that once that state in the begining of the relationship where you feel like you can't live without that person is gone.....that feeling where you need to be with that person 24/7 and can't stop thinking of him etc. Once that is gone, you can see clearly and at that point you have no options; by the way this is also when you start fighting a lot. Your two options are; Analize his good qualities against the flaws and see if it's something you are willing to accept because I am telling you right now MAN DO NOT CHANGE! unless they do it for them selves, or the opttion is to walk away and move on.

I chose to move on.

My ex husband had "one" flaw I couldn't work thru, everything else was workable. That flaw was lying, over the littlest stupidest and meaningless thing. But I always told myself if he lies over little things, how would I know if he'd tell me the truth over something more serious.  I loved him and honestly thought we would grow old together but the same loved slowly died because neither of us were mature enough to handle the situation well and I wasn't willing to keep making myself miserable for the rest of my life.

I don't know if my way of thinking is wrong or right, wether I would regret it or not but one thing is for sure wether I die tomorrow or in my nineties I am determined to be happiness and be with a man that values me for what I am , who is able to look at me in the eye and only speak the truth, who respects me, treats me like a queen and knows how to show me he loves me. 

I won't settle for nothing less, so yes marriage is work and so is relationships but the most important thing we need to remember is that what we allow will continue..... 

Mi Verdadero AMor;

My daughter will always be my TRUE LOVE, mi verdadero amor. Although there will be a man whom you will love as well ,I think that the purest most TRUEST love there could exist in the world is the one of a mother and their child.

You love your child no matter what! ....no matter what they do or become we are always there for them , our love for them never ends. 

With a guy, you could have your first boy-freind..then your second, third ;till you find that one whom you find worth marrying, whom you want to spend the rest of your life with, and share everything with however if they betray you in anyway then eventually your love for that person ends but the love you feel for your child, no matter how they betray you, that love NEVER ends and that's why I think that the TRUEST LOVE is that one  of a mother and their child.

My daughter is mi Verdadero Amor. TE AMO chiquita linda! =) You are and always will be my #1.